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Wednesday, January 24, 2007

5:16 PM


i cried.walking down the stairs.with tears rolling down my cheeks.'such an idiotic jerk you are.why was i that stupid to fall into you.i was all wrong.'i thought.'you're not worth my tears.'my heart shouted.but the tears still did not stop.i walked towards the community centre,couldn't imagine the consequences if i walked back home with red eyes.i sat next to the olympic sized pool.thinking.it wasn't fair.ok.maybe it was.but why?guess i could only figure that out by myself.i began to think wisely.it was the past.he had the choice.he had his own choice.i was so innocent to think that he actually still had the feeling for me.well,kinda figured that out and i went back HOME!haha.=)everything's okay for me right now.*smiles*

and how dare you, stupid lee jie kai!promised to belanja aku makan!what happened to your promise?hpw dare you ask me out to the community centre-restaurant for dinner when there's only half an hour more before the place closes?told you that it's too late and you're required to belanja me makan when you come back from aussie!but have you ever think that i will not be around already whereas in japan?until that time,i swear i will hate you!you'd better remember my meal you owe me!same jerk!hmph!=P


Tuesday, January 16, 2007

9:22 PM


thit hurts by watching your back,walking towards the crowd you're usually with.i observe the days when u're absent or present in school.but it's ridiculous isn't it?i saw you.walking,laughing talking to your friends.discussing things i'd love to hear.everyday i wonder,if u'd call me or message me and tell me that there'd been a misunderstanding that led to our broke up.that u were wrong to listen to rumors that weren't true,that u feel sorry for not believing me.i wonder if u still belonged to me,i'd love to run towards you and hug u from behind.then u'd turn ur body to meet mine, caressing ur hand on my head,giving me a slight kiss on my forehead and asking me so gently that i could almost melt in ur arms about what's wrong.then i'll shake my head telling you that nothing's wrong and that i just wanted to be in ur arms.but these are dreams.dreams that will never ever come true.dreams that hasn't even the slightest possibility.dreams i wished so badly in my mind and hurts me in my heart.but the fact that there also isn't the slightest possibility that we'll be back in good hands again.it's just impossible.
but memories.memories that i cannot simply erase for the sake to forget you.the day u walked me home,hugging me in ur arms,telling me stories about urself and kssing me goodnight on my forehead before i stepped into my house garage until the day u wished me happy birthday in the middle of the night on the first of september when i was half awake as i was actually waiting for ur call until i fell asleep until the day u called me so many times and i was actually ignoring ur call until i couldn't stand it and picked up and u told me that u were around my housing estate and u were actually driving!u picked me up in ur car and i felt the warmth and so secured to be in ur car.we sat at the backseat and i was so close to you.u were hugging me.i felt how much love you had for me and i was happy.but i was afraid.afraid that your love for me would go down.we stepped out of ur car.u hugged me and kissed me goodnight on my forehead.u were waiting for me to lift my head up but i didn't.i wasn't ready for my first kiss.i was afraid.u knew how i felt even though i didnt tell you.i remained my head down.and u left after wishing me goodbye.until the day i went to a party dressing myself with a snowy white gown that was really pretty.we met at jk's house.i felt asleep on jk's desk while waiting for you to arrive.you came in the room and i know u did.i continued sleeping.u hugged me from behind and kissed me on my cheek informing that u were here.i moved a little but was reluctant to get up.it felt so nice being hugged by you.we spent quite some time playing the labtop,signing in ur account and playing songs.u led me downstairs and back up again.u loved playing with my ear.and i didnt ask why.u led me home as u saw my yawns.u carried me on ur back as i was wearing heels that hurt so painfully.u kissed me goodnight the same day and expected me to lift my head back up again.but i still didn't.u knew i was still not prepared.i just didn't have the strength to face you that close everytime u expect me to.
i chose you.and i did not regret accepting you.your arms,warmth,breath,strength,heart,everything...meant the world to me.
but the world has it's own limits and borders.and so as ur heart and love for me.
we were not destined together.we were not meant to be together.and that's the fact.we're different people from different worlds.i cant go to your's and u can't simply come to mine.
maybe one day,we'll meet the same people from our own world respectively.until then i wish you the very best for everything and to be happy for every decision you make.and i just want you to know, my heart for you was true from the very beginning you started holding my hands.and my heart did shattered so badly when it came to the border of our worlds.


me.myself

• 17 year old femme • I love my world • I ♥LOVE♥ chocolates • I'm addicted to One Tree Hill • I love to read • I have a weird fascination with books • All my clothes don't have tags on them (except one which i just bought) • I'm a book freak...have too much, but still not enough • I love exercising • I'm a woman (Virgo, that is) • I'm tired of friends • I don't like tunderstorms • I have brown eyes • I have 6 hamsters (hell knows what their names are since they're dead now) • I want to go to Japan more than anything • I'm obsessed with books (no joke) • I love my family • I hate being occupied with thoughts • I would die without food


contact >> ♥ me ♥

my.music

  • Howie Day > Collide
  • Fall Out Boy > Sugar, We're Going Down
  • Marjorie Fair > Empty Room
  • Jimmie Eat World > Here You Me
  • La Rocca > Non Believer
  • Nelly Furtado > Say It Right
  • All American Rejects > Move Along
  • Rihanna > Unfaithful
  • Dashboard Confessional > Currents

    my.mood

    my.expressions

    my.visits

    Blogger
    Blogskins
    MySpace

    my.past

    November 2006 l December 2006 l January 2007 l February 2007 l June 2007 l

    my.gossip

    Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone, and do not be troubled about the future, for it has yet to come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.

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